Samsung’s CES press conference. Photo credit: Amy Lombard

Samsung’s CES press conference. Photo credit: Amy Lombard

I got to the Sony presser late, so I won’t be able to do much in the way of liveblogging. But the big announcement is the company’s first OLED set, and it’s a looker: https://www.wired.com/2017/01/sony-bravia-oled-a1e/

Samsung’s CES press conference. Photo credit: Amy Lombard

Samsung’s CES press conference. Photo credit: Amy Lombard

Samsung’s CES press conference. Photo credit: Amy Lombard

I’m going to open a Vegas casino called Grid Pattern. The zany theme is that it’s easy to navigate because everything is organized logically.

The way to cross any street in Vegas is to walk seven blocks in the opposite direction, cross some sort of themed bridge, ride half a mile on a moving walkway, and then give up and lose $320 playing craps.

And don’t forget — attending the Intel event taught you how to say “actually we’ve pivoted to a more business-facing paradigm” in French.

Intel is such a weird company to watch at CES, because they just show all these wild concepts of things that seem totally normal — you can watch a movie in VR! A drone can see a solar panel! But you have to remember that all these normal-seeming things are massively complicated. But they seem so normal!

Now a big VR scape, people are wearing the headsets again. Basically: VR requires a lot of data, Intel makes things that can handle a lot of data. Which is something!

Anyway, back to Intel: we’re seeing a VR demo of jumping out of a plane, that everyone in the room is actually experiencing in VR. People are holding hands, it’s cute.

Let’s just say “eat” is not the verb I would use for what happens there.

Would love to spend a day with you at Dominos just to see what your pizza interactions are like.

David I like that you separate out “Eat” and “Pizza” as distinct categories.

And then run around the couch.

My favorite are the triathlons: Eat, Sleep, Pizza

Hrm maybe double that? Does this marathon have cots along the route?

Which, to be fair, is also the speed at which Brian would run a marathon. So it’s still true!

(Intel says it’ll run a full 24 hours with typical, non-GPS type use.)

It claims “marathon battery life” of 5 hours for GPS use/heart rate monitoring, which is the first time “marathon battery life” has been used to mean “literally how long it takes to run a marathon.”

David Pierce: The Michael Caine of Overflow Rooms

Intel’s already put out its various announcements in its online newsroom, including a $300 smartwatch for runners that it made with New Balance.

He really wants to talk about VR. It appears to be the thing Intel is most focused on, which says a lot about the market possibilities for Intel—the company kind of missed mobile, and is betting huge that VR is next.

OKAY I didn’t make it into Intel, so now I’m back in the overflow room watching Intel CEO Brian Krzanich explain why Moore’s Law is not dead. He swears.

Also I think I know how to say “actually we’ve pivoted to a more business-facing paradigm” in French now, so that’s cool.

I’m now standing in line for Intel’s keynote, and I’ve heard at least four languages spoken around me. One of the best things about the show: it’s really, really, ridiculously global.

Just snuck onstage to snag a photo of the new Samsung Chromeboom. It’s really nice looking, super thin and light. I tried to use it, but then I got yelled at and kicked offstage. So more to come later.

You can’t spell APPLIANCES without CES.

I win!

I’m heading to Intel, Tim’s heading to Sony (and / or to pet televisions), and Brian I think is going on a cruise?

And that’s it for Samsung! David and I are going to head out of the overflow room, as joyous as it’s been.

Tons of relatively affordable VR headsets are about to hit the market but they’re going to need workhorse laptops for optimal performance.

I’m guessing that the advent of Windows VR has something to do with it.

“I can’t play The Witcher at Starbucks!” is a very small thing, I would think.

David I tell you what.

I’m assuming there’s an audience for gaming laptops, but I can’t imagine who it is. I never hear PC gamers complaining about portability first and foremost.

Samsung and Lenovo both hopped back into the gaming PC market this year, for whatever that’s worth.

There’s also a new muscle-car laptop for gamers, the Samsung Notebook Odyssey.

But this is, I think, the beginning of a whole new breed of very exciting Chromebooks. And for $500, it’s almost certainly better than most Windows devices out there.

You guys I’m VERY excited about this Chromebook. I’ve been hearing for a while that this was coming (it also leaked to death), and that Samsung may have held off to give people time to get over problems with a certain other flagship Samsung device.

And! The have a stylus for the doodlers in the crowd.

It’s two models, technically. Samsung worked with Google directly on these; they both have a slim design, work with Android apps, and are convertible PC/tablets.

Here comes Samsung’s new Chromebook, which really does look pretty slick.

I fainted when they said you can talk to your fridge now. What’d I miss?

The future is yelling at your fridge over and over again, trying to get a Spotify “smooth jamz” playlist to work.

“I’m sorry, honey. That’s reserved for Pandora.”

As a parent I do have to say this eats up a lot of valuable kid-artwork space on the fridge.

(Get it? It’s a fridge? Cold? Sorry, it’s been a long day.)

We’re watching a video about a refrigerator with a giant LED screen you can talk to; presumably the director’s cut shows how to reboot it when it … freezes.

Samsung is all about compartments. They’ve got separate compartments in their ovens for cooking two different things at different temperatures at the same time.

FlexWash and FlexDry. You can wash your super-bright red quantum dots in a different compartment than your bright white quantum cottons. You can dry your delicate lace socks in a different compartment as Felix, your pet porcupine.

Mostly in that they are a washer and dryer that have a second washer and second dryer, respectively, on top of the main washer and dryer.

Aw yeah, here come the laundry machines and the fridges.

Aw yeah, here comes the laundry machines and the iceboxes.

And now, onto the large appliances! That exclamation point is unironic, by the way, these washing machines are dope.

All joking aside, I saw these QLED TVs last night and they are very nice. Very nice indeed.

They’re the 14 seed in the west.

You can also mount them to your NCAA bracket.

New soundbars! These ones have subwoofers built into them, and they mount directly to yer teevee with a bracket.

Which leads to some funky user experiences.

Samsung’s also always in the interesting position of not having a platform, and trying to make its hardware do platform-like things, if that makes sense.

Samsung’s Smart Hub, which pulls all your TV stuff (live and streaming) into one place, is a very cool idea. Except that Samsung has absolutely zero history of doing a good job of building software that isn’t horrible.

“Hey, get back to reporting the news guys!” — someone who doesn’t realize they’re talking about using their smart TV platform to watch sports

I think Sharp uses quantum croutons in their Quattron sets.

Quantum Croutons ™.

These are LIFESTYLE CROUTONS.

These are croutons that will transcend the definition of a salad accoutrement.

David, your liveblogging today transcends the definition of regularly updated short-burst text dispatches.

Want some quantum croutons? That’ll be $1,000.75.

“This is a TV that will transcend the definition of an electronic device” is my official new favorite insane meaningless tech sentence.

The word “quantum” also adds at least $1,000 in price to any object.

We are also in the back of the separate room.

We’re in a separate room. It’s just like the event room, only it isn’t the event room. And we have a table.

Brian and David, are you in an entirely separate room or in the back?

Like I would never buy a smart toothbrush… but a quantum toothbrush?!

Now that you said that the Samsung Galaxy Quantum has entered mass production.

I just waited in line in a quantum fronton.

“Quantum” is an underrated tech jargon word. We need more quantum things.

Samsung senior VP Joe Stinziano just officially announced the company’s QLED lineup, saying that it produces a much deeper color volume than OLED. What that means in plain speak is that if you have a super-bright red or green, it doesn’t get washed out. The colors still look accurate, no matter the brightness.

By the way, in case you haven’t seen it yet, Tim just published an awesome piece about all of Samsung’s new TVs. And about the letter Q. Which is very important, I’m told. https://www.wired.com/2017/01/samsungs-new-tvs-colorful-easier-mount-wall/

I like imagining that the giant screen behind the Samsung execs isn’t actually a projector or anything, it’s just Samsung’s new TV. 68 feet across.

Botnets: it’s like a LAN party, guys!

I hear there are web-connected routers now.

(That is not a Samsung quote that is just a silly made-up quote.)

“Joining a botnet is a feature, not a bug!”

With newfangled routers, Brian!

I think we’re at a point too where you can’t talk about putting chips in things and connecting them to the cloud without talking about how you’re going to secure them.

Into the smart garbage.

But what about your non-smart garbage can, Tim? Where will it go when you replace it?

First thing I’m going to do when I get home is throw my fridge into the garbage, where it belongs.

“We are clearly the global leader in connected IOT devices,” Baxter says, setting the new bar for “least impressive victory in history.”

I hate my stupid dumb fridge now.

There are going to be a LOT more web-connected refrigerators with big touchscreens on them this year. Remember when that sort of thing was just a gimmick? Now, I think we can all agree it’s a necessity.

It’s really starting to feel like every CES keynote is exactly the same. Make your life easier! Connect everything! Design!

Samsung COO Tim Baxter kicks things off with an acknowledgement that the Note 7 battery issues were a bad thing that happened. He also says the findings on the root cause of the explosions will be released “soon.”

The wildest part, to me, was that he LED with some assurances about the Note 7. Which I guess is smart? Get it out of the way?

“We led the phone industry yet again,” says Samsung exec, who I think is maybe skipping over some important Samsung phone news from last year but I can’t remember exactly.

Give Samsung credit: this video is the sexiest a bunch of washing machines have ever looked.

APPLIANCES

Oh we can hear the piano riff. And now, we can hear the wub-wub-wubs.

Can you guys at least hear this soothing piano riff?

(Also power outlets.)

It overflows with joy and possibilities, I think is what they mean.

Tim will be watching the Samsung press conference from the main room, while David and I will be watching from the “overflow room.”

Here’s a shot of Samsung’s new ULED Q8 from a sneak peek event last night. While these sets can crank up to 2,000 nits, the main goal isn’t just a brighter picture. A combination of contrast and color enhancements makes the picture more nuanced and lifelike, even when the backlight is pushed to the max.

Samsung’s big shindig is coming up on the hour. The company has a new high-end TV lineup called ULED that uses re-engineered quantum dots. According to Samsung, the new color-enhancing nanocrystals are able to boost color brightness without oversaturating hues or sacrificing detail. Along with those picture perks, the sets have newly designed mounting brackets to make them much easier to install. More details to come!

Gotta love casinos’ intentionally confusing design. Been here less than two hours, and I’ve already gotten lost three times.

David, please bring jai-alai equipment. It’s hella frontonesque in here.

As soon as I finish this gross press room lunch.

Tim I’m coming to join you very soon!

Sometimes at CES, we all just gather together in a windowless room to practice waiting in line.

Actually that’s pretty much all I have to say. Consider yourself told.

While we’re between press conferences, can I tell you guys about how I’ve been using an iPad Pro for basically all my work so far this week, and it’s been AMAZING? Having cell service + touchscreen + full-size keyboard is basically the mobile work setup of my dreams.

PHONESOFCES

And that about wraps it up from Panasonic, but not before they announced the video-minded Lumix GH5. You’ll soon see it in the hands of all the coolest indie filmmakers you know: https://www.wired.com/2017/01/panasonics-new-gh5-compact-camera-4k-hdr-video-beast/

Look, Mike! It’s that new Technics 1200GR turntable you love so much. It looks pretty big, unless the photo is not meant to represent its actual size.

I really, really, really don’t buy the idea that everyone on the planet has just been waiting for a smarter microwave or oven. This is such a thing right now! But isn’t the solution to “I don’t want to cook cooking is hard” just, like, delivery? Didn’t we solve that already? Who wants to cook but only kind of?

Here we have Panasonic’s Countertop Induction Oven (the CIO, y’all), which is waiting patiently to kick your crusty old microwave to the curb.

LG’s Airport Guide bot makes an entrance.

PHONESOFCES

The CES registration tent doubles as a biohazard quarantine zone.

And now, Michael Moskowitz takes the stage to talk about consumer tech. To be honest, I’m kind of bummed. I want to hear more about the self-drivin’ globe cars and Mickey Mouse.

I hate that I’ve become this person, but luggage that charges your phone really is pretty dope.

Panasonic also foresees a future where everyone drives around in semi-sentient, voice-controlled globes! They’ll have a conceptual model of their driverless-car experience on display at their booth.

Mickey Mouse is in the house, y’all. Panasonic is partnering with Disney Parks and Resorts on “next-generation attractions.” No specifics yet, but here’s hoping one of them will be Technics Presents: Mike Calore’s Vinyl Fever Dream: The Ride.

Panasonic is also working on bridging the “digital divide” by helping low-income familes and children in Newark access the web.

If you’d like the number for the sinkvertisements I can share, because it shows up every five seconds because there are apparently zero ads.

You guys I have to interrupt to show you the best thing I’ve seen so far at CES: the ad-supported sinks at MGM Grand.

It’s Michael Hancock, Mayor of Denver! The city’s department of transportation is analyzing traffic patterns, road conditions, and experimenting with electric driverless vehicles using Panasonic’s tech. They have a big ol’ smart city lab in the Mile High City. “This is the first time there’s been a project like this,” Hancock says.

Hey, you know Tesla? Panasonic makes their batteries.

I could sell all of my records and then buy one. It would be like the Gift of the Magi.

Panasonic goes right into its work with big businesses and governments. Consumer electronics? Psssht, that’s rinky-dink stuff. They want to IoT the whole dang planet, yo.

Tim, let me know if Panasonic is giving away any of the new Technics T-1200 turntables. I’d really like one but I don’t have $6,000 to spend on it.

And so am I!

Panasonic is about to turn 100 years old!

Yeah, like a lot of big tech companies they’re leaning further and further into giant business stuff. Which makes for more money and way less interesting WIRED stories.

David, True. But a lot of their most interesting stuff has been either prototype or aimed at large enterprises. They have some very cool airline seats, for example.

Panasonic has been sort of quietly doing fascinating stuff at CES the last few years. They had an awesome transparent display last year that was probably the most memorable thing I saw at the show.

And now for Panasonic, which has been the only major TV manufacturer to this point that’s competed with LG on the OLED front (outside of the US, at least). Expect a release date and price for the 4K HDR-shootin’ Lumix GH5 mirrorless camera, some new Technics audio gear, and some “smart city” action. Last year, Panasonic announced it would provide the backbone for Denver’s uber-connected infrastructure.

We’re also debating the many, many items in your home that are here and now hackable. Fridges! Hairbrushes! Legos!

Meanwhile the rest of us are sitting at breakfast saying things like “So robots are a thing, right?”

… AND HERE IS THE MIGHTY AIRBOT, HERE TO DIRECT YOU TO THE NEAREST CINNABON OR HUDSON NEWS WITH MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY.

Here are those precious little LG voice-assistance bots…

There’s also a giant robot that will be deployed as an airport assistant at Incheon Airport in South Korea. Dubbed Airbot, it’ll tell you which gate your flight is leaving from, how far you’ll need to walk to get there, that sort of thing. Isn’t that info already readily available on your boarding pass and airport signage? Who cares! Robots!

I’m having a hard time posting the photographic evidence to the liveblog, so you’ll just have to imagine the following items: LG will have an adorable little Jibo-looking robot (and an even more adorbz mini version of it) that works like an Amazon Echo or Google Home speaker. You talk to it, it blinks at you with its artificial eyes, and it plays music through its built-in speakers. You can also voice-control other smart devices through it with your voice. When it’s not blinking at you, the screen on it displays content based on your requests.

LG’s New OLED TVs Somehow Look and Sound Even Better

If movies are our guide, as they should be, robotic phenomena are generally to be more feared than embraced.

Time for robots.

It’s called the LG Signature Smart InstaView Door-in-Door fridge, but I just call it bae.

This superfridge also has Amazon Alexa built into it, as well as Amazon Dash one-touch reordering options. This is a pretty good fridge, guys.

This fridge runs WebOS and has an ice-maker with a web-connected brain. That big ol’ screen on it is actually transparent. When you knock on it, the inside of the fridge lights up so you can see your yogurt and baking soda. It also tracks how rotten your food is automatically.

Get ready for 100 percent of LG home appliances to be Wi-Fi-connected. All of them. This will “IMPROVE YOUR LIFE,” apparently.

In unrelated news, shoutout to the guy asleep in my hallway who evidently made it all the way upstairs, then found a couch and decided that must be his room. Respect.

“AI is important” is the new rallying cry of CES, Silicon Valley, and like everyone who has ever used a computer.

Dr. Skott Ahn, CTO of LG, has just taken the stage. The first major theme is A.I., and Ahn says LG’s 2017 stable will offer more devices infused with synthetic smarts. There will also be robots for senior care, the home, and healthcare. Ahn has also highlighted partnerships with Google and Amazon on the A.I. front.

We already know about one LG announcement, which was unveiled last night. The 2017 version of the LG Gram laptop weighs just 2 pounds for the 13-inch version and 2.4 pounds for the 15-incher. The laptops also get an absurd 18 hours of battery life per charge, and there are touchscreen versions available for each size. Read about them in our “Best Tech Gadgets of CES So Far” roundup: https://www.wired.com/2017/01/ces-gallery-day-one/

LG’s press conference is about to start. Here’s the login info for their Wi-Fi in case anyone needs it.

David They’re all going to be chock full of high-end TVs, so they’re all pretty exciting to me! LG’s about to start, and they’ll have a slew of new OLED sets. It’ll be interesting to see how they can improve over last year’s, because the 2016 models were already considered close to perfect in terms of picture quality.

And then it’ll be exciting to see how Samsung and Sony have improved their own excellent LCD sets! They’ve been going after OLED hard with super-bright, super-colorful panels.

I’m also excited to see what LG and Samsung do on the large appliances front. Last year’s fridges and washing machines were pretty dope.

PHONESOFCES

Oh and I should mention, I’m going to be riding around on this insane thing all week so if you choose to pretend you don’t know me, that’s OK.

Tim, which of these press conferences are you most excited about? I feel like Samsung is usually the wackiest, but I’m also not hearing much in the way of cool announcements from them. Which one should I come to with you so I can look like I’m useful?

It’s also not a great investment by the casino since you can’t feed it quarters after midnight.

I will also be covering the best-themed slot machines I can find. This Gremlins game is hard to clean, because you don’t want to get it wet.

Welcome to CES 2017, where I will be writing stories using this face machine. You just speak into the mask, and it posts micro-journalism on the web.

There will be a lot of press conferences today! LG will get things rolling at 8am PT, then Panasonic at 10, then Samsung at 2, then Sony at 5. I will be covering all of these events LIVE, and then I will be covering myself with leaves to hide from my boss so I won’t have to cover any more press conferences.

OK face computer, please post to web.